12. The Search For “Enoughness”

This episode is hands down one of the most vulnerable and raw episodes I have posted to date. I am a huge self-love advocate and often talk about showing ourselves grace and compassion. Although I know and believe these things, truthfully, self-love is something I am constantly working on. I have a noisy inner critic in my head that is constantly telling me that I am unworthy and that I need to be doing more to be “enough.” This is one of the biggest reason’s that I fell in love with mindfulness and my meditation practice in the first place. It was the first time that I felt a glimpse of quiet inside my head. It was also one of the first times that I realized the power of observing my thoughts without attaching to them. 

Recently, as I sat in my meditation practice, the old familiar feelings of unworthiness started to creep back in. I found myself observing my thoughts, noticing their presence, and instead of allowing them to spiral me downward, I became curious about them. I turned on my microphone and began recording my experience. There was no script, no agenda, and no editing (except for some extended pauses I took as I was processing). Turns out my external mic wasn’t actually even on, therefore, the quality of sound is not the best.

And still, here I am raw, imperfect, and lovable fully as I am.

In this episode, I discuss…

• My quest for being enough, or what I refer to in the episode as, my search for “enoughness” (I think I made up my own word there)!
• How this belief has shown up in my life
• My previous coping mechanisms of overworking, perfectionism, people-pleasing, beating myself up, shutting down, and isolating myself
• Shifting from finding self-love in others to finding it within myself
• My step by step process of how I am choosing to respond:

1. 1. Notice the body sensations that are happening
   2. Watch my thoughts without attaching to them
   3. Investigate where the thought could be coming from without judgment
   4. Show myself love and compassion
   5. Get back into my body. This could be through physical exercise, breathing, or just pausing to notice my senses. This helps bring me out of my head (which often is not in the present moment) to my body (which is physically here in the present moment).
   6. Come back to my “why.” What is my purpose/what is the outcome that I want out of this life?

As vulnerable as this episode feels to share I think it needs to be heard. For anyone who has not felt good enough, I wan’t you to know that you are not alone. We are all on this journey of “enoughness” together. I hope that these tools will be helpful for you. I am worthy of love and compassion and so are you. I hope we can create a space where we feel more open talking about our mental health and we can continue to support and uplift one another. 

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS | More